My Dearest Ramona,
I know that certain behaviors are so offensive it is impossible to ever be redeemed from them.
And let it be so, for who am I, to even think that I deserve such empathy, such mercy? I was fully aware of the repercussions all along.
Why should I be given a second chance? I, no better than the rest, and worse than most.
I am nothing but a coward, and have more than earned the right to hang my head, eyes fixed on moving feet, and wander my days in shame.
I am a lowly sinner, a scoundrel, and to be spit on is to be considered a warm embrace.
To never have known comfort or another's gentle touch, is not horrible.
But to be alienated where once welcomed, and cast out where I once was protected is unbearable.
I would rather die and be finished with it all.
Because as hard as I try to escape, I have finally succumbed to the madness and it is consuming me.
For your sake, I tried to be better, but as with everything else, could not rise above my pending insanity.
I feel every fiber of rationality slipping away from me even as I write this.
Growing up, I could not find where I belonged.
There wasn't a time where I could be comfortable in my own skin and every choice I made left me feeling like it was the wrong one.
I was born an artist and even my finest, most expensive paintings still left me numb.
Then came you and you were more beautiful to me than all of the flowers in all of the valleys, all of the sunrises in all of my days, my greatest creation.
I never wanted anything for you but the very best, and to you, I give you the hopes and dreams I've held in my heart since the day you were born.
When you think of me, I hope you remember me as I was, talented and loving and not the shell I'm leaving behind.
However, I look back at the decisions I've made, the bridges I've burned and I fear it is entirely too much to grant my last request.
I know better than to ask for pity and especially forgiveness.
So know, be it far too late, that I'm sorry, and I love you.
Gabriel Alexander Bergdorf
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And to Valpre, a new reader...I wanted to make sure you would see my reply and wasn't sure how to send you a message. Thanks for reading and the lovely, supportive comments!